{pst.. some spoilers here if you hadn’t watched this season yet}

Ok love, since Bridgeton Part 2 of Season 4 is dropping this week, I’ve been rewatching Pt 1 as I was so unimpressed first time around that I forgot what happened and where we left off.

And I stumbled upon a juicy interaction that I feel we can learn from.

👉🏼 We all have heard the saying — “It is not you, it is them. Don’t take it personally” — yet how many times we catch ourselves unbelievably and unnecessarily doing exactly that: taking things personally.

Lady Danbury and Queen Charlotte illustrated this dynamic perfectly.

Lady Danbury wants something that in Queen Charlottes’s eyes *seemed* like a very personal attack.

In a party earlier, Lady Danbury asked to leave court so she could visit her home country which she hadn’t seen since she was a kid. Queen Charlotte didn’t bat an eye {actually she starred for a sec} and immediately said no.

Now on this scene they are playing chess and the conversation comes up again:

She’s REALLY intrigued and trying to figure out why would she do such a thing to her.

Note that, in this scene, the ‘no’ she blurts out is NOT her saying ‘no’ to the request. It is her saying ‘no’ to refocus. As in “you didn’t understand my question”.

With that ‘no’ she stops where the conversation is going {Lady Daubery} and redirect back to herself.

This is a perfect representation of how our brain works.

When something happens that we don’t like, and we feel triggered, we only look at that situation through our own perspective because the mind is already spiraling with a perceived attack and the potential consequences of it. It goes straight to “they are doing this to me, they are trying to get me“.

Even when the other person starts to explain {or the situation starts presenting itself} as clearly motivated by something else other than ourselves, the mind doesn’t even want to hear it till the end. It interrupts {“no“} and redirects to the only thing it wants to see — themselves {“why would you wish to leave me”}

The reason for that is protection. The ego was hurt in the past, so of course it will do everything it can to avoid it happening again.

Queen Charlotte’s real reasons {triggered wounds and fears} for denying her friend what she wants unfolds right after:

🌸This is such a sweet moment to see Queen Charlotte letting go of the pressure to be holding strong at all times and embracing her friend while owning those fears.

It is such a powerful and fun-to-watch representation of how our minds work when fears come up >> completely unreasonable and most likely hurting the ones around us, that we love the most.💔

We all have been there, or we might be right now and in the future again — some past wound, unattended hurt gets triggered by outside situations and the mind goes wild focusing on protecting itself from experiencing that pain.

👑Now, Queen Charlotte in her luxury of being the queen, acknowledges the real reason, says it out and move on with her day. She knows that as the Queen, she does not have to change her inner dialogue or muster the courage to heal that abandonment wound to let her friend do what is best for her. So Lady Danbury stays. {as of now at least. I have hopes in Pt 2 she will break free 🤩}

👉🏼 For us over here? We want to feel better, to interact better with our environment, to feel free to navigate this world without a perceived imminent attack everywhere we go, ya?

So we dive into the discomfort, dig in the root cause, and flip the script running in the back of our minds. We calm our egos, which is fiercely trying to protect us, and we free ourselves from limiting our lives and of the ones around us. 🎁 It is a gift to be triggered and realize that there’s this part of us needing some extra TLC. {and which most likely, have been asking for it for a while.}

The other side of all that pain is deliciously freeing, soft and powerful, all at the same time.

We are all for it, aren’t we? 😍

So when triggers come up and fears resurface, there’s nothing to be upset about my love. Give some extra TLC to those parts of you. And watch yourself cross that painful bridge into greener, happier pastures.🌿 🫶🏼😍

Wishing you an amazing freeing and sweet rest of the week!

Many Smooches,